When you first start dating someone, you’re bound to feel some anxiety (and all the butterflies). After you’ve been together a while, these feelings usually start to subside as you become more comfortable. That said, there are times when someone might still feel overly anxious in a relationship, so much so that it starts to put any positive aspects on the back burner.
1. Wondering if you matter
If things are going well in your relationship, and your partner is paying attention to your needs and prioritizing you and your time, then there’s no need to worry about whether or not you matter to your partner! If you’re still worried, it might be linked to lower self-esteem. Addressing any self-esteem or self-worth issues isn’t easy, but it’s necessary to get your relationship back on track (and help you feel more confident about it).
2. Questioning your partner’s feelings
Once you’ve decided to commit to each other in a relationship, you shouldn’t doubt your partner’s feelings for you. Instead, try to take the relationship itself as a testament to and proof of their feelings.
3. Waiting for something to go wrong
People with relationship anxiety often feel like things in their relationship are “too good to be true”, and expect things to take a sour turn at any moment. While this certainly can happen in a relationship, most of the time things will not go wrong out of the blue! If your anxious feelings stem from past relationship traumas (perhaps a time when things really did start going wrong out of the blue), then it’s important to address them so that the past doesn’t create problems in your current relationship.
4. Doubting your compatibility
After the initial honeymoon phase of a relationship wears off, it is possible that general incompatibilities will arise as you learn more about each other. But most of the time, initial compatibility will outlast the honeymoon phase and your relationship will thrive.
5. Avoiding relationship milestones
People with relationship anxiety are often deeply afraid of rejection. This fear will cause them to avoid important relationship steps, like having sex, saying “I love you,” or meeting each other’s friends and family. This can prevent your relationship from growing and can end up really hurting your partner’s feelings. It’s important to look forward to these milestones and realize they’re a testament to your love for each other!
6paring your relationship to others
If you have relationship anxiety, you might be tempted to compare your current relationship to past relationships, your friend’s relationship, or your idealized version of relationships. This kind of behavior will make it impossible for your partner or your relationship to succeed. To cope with this, focus more of your energy on your relationship rather than on comparisons.
7. Looking for reasons to break up
People with relationship anxiety get so anxious that they start looking for reasons to break up (even if the relationship is going well). Instead, think of all the things you are grateful for in the relationship and why you are glad that you are with your partner. Staying positive reviews on naughty date and actively working to affirm your relationship will help you feel less anxious about it.
8. Sabotaging the relationship
Some people with relationship anxiety go even further than looking for reasons to break up, and actually sabotage the relationship. This stems from a fear that “things won’t work out anyway.” If this is the case, reflect on what is motivating you to do so. Are you insecure about your partner’s feelings? Do you doubt your compatibility? Or do you actually want the relationship to end because you are not feeling fulfilled?